Bi Polar In More Detail
I have written previous blog posts on:
We are energy
Bi Polar is a label to categorise someone as having both depression and elated states of mind.
I wanted to go into more detail in this blog post on this.
We all have changes in our states of mind, being happy one day and sad another, this is something that is normal for us all. Bi Polar is a label used to describe a person who fluctuates between extreme states of mind, i.e. being very happy one day, and very sad on another. By this definition, I have been bi polar my whole life, as I have always lived my life from being at one extreme to another, mainly always being an excitable person. Over the last few years, I have managed the low states of mind. I do still feel an intense low from time to time, but they don’t last for months as they used to, more for a day or so if anything. When I say an intense low this could be any negative feelings, such as being angry by something that has happened or how someone has treated me, but these days I “get over it” within the day or so. I try to find healthy ways to redirect my energy and avoid dwelling on such situations, which only adds to the intensity of it. This is something I am still working on and I will go into details of this on a future blog post.
Overall, I experience more highs on a regular basis these days. This is because I am learning how to manage my energy levels, so that when I feel low, I consciously do things to recharge and raise my energy levels up. This includes sleeping (only more than 7.5 hours when I haven’t slept much the night before), exercising, listening to upbeat music or spending time with people who make me feel good about myself. I am still learning to manage my high energy levels too. Tools I use for this include gentle exercise, sleep, meditation, and scheduling in periods of time to do tasks that require little focus, therefore lessening the use of my mind.
Linking this to us being energy, I believe when we have high energy, the states of mind become extreme. Think about it, when we have low energy, it can be difficult to express ourselves. But when the low energy is extreme, the feelings are extreme, with high intensity. In my opinion, we would need high energy to get intense feelings. Therefore my view on this is that feeling low is high energy moving in a negative direction. This is because if we didn’t have high energy, the intensity wouldn’t be there, hence we wouldn’t feel so low.
Looking at it this way, when we are moving in a direction that is not serving us, i.e. being negative, be it angry, jealous, alone, etc.; Is it the case that we redirect our negative energy into something that serves us even if we don’t feel like it? For example when angry, exercise could be one way to let all the negative energy out. This is what happened to me coincidentally, as I started exercising regularly and it has become part of my routine for the last decade now.
Is it true to say it is through our behaviour we let our energy out? So when one is angry, they can shout, slam doors, or dare I say it, become violent towards others as they are unable to control their surge of energy within themselves? When one is alone, they only want to be alone; but when alone, thoughts can wander in your mind at such a high intensity and this could result in one self-harming themselves to release these feelings or even worse, suicide (Please refer to past blog post on suicide). Note – I am no medical professional – please seek medical professional assistance if you are in such a position.
On the other hand, when one is happy, we can laugh a lot. I know this is very true for me. I have always been told off for laughing too much. I know when I am very excitable I speak very loud too, and it has definitely irritated others to the point I have been told to keep quiet many times by many people. My intention was never to upstage or upset anyone, but at the time I wasn’t aware of what I was doing, I was being me. By being me, I sometimes appeared to be attention seeking. I feel this is something many didn’t appreciate, which has resulted in them choosing to not acknowledge my presence over the years, whether intentional or not, by ignoring me. This is something I have written about in another blog post.
The natural pitch of my voice is very high too. Thinking about this now, I believe this is a way I have expressed my high energy, through the pitch of my voice.
In relation to myself, having high energy has always been my natural state, so no matter what feeling I have, it has always gone from one extreme to another, and expressed through various different behaviours. For example, if I am upset, I instantly start crying, and people used to say, “Why are you crying?”. Looking back I realise this was a way I was releasing my energy. After the quick release of tears, I instantly felt better, but others seemed to think I was still upset after, when I actually felt happy after and was smiling lots after too.
Looking at this from another angle, my behaviour could appear calm, but inside I could still be feeling these extreme states? How is this possible? Only we know what we are feeling inside, the intensity of our emotions. It is how we look at our feelings relative to others, we would know whether what we are feeling is intense or not. But we can’t look at feelings, we can only describe them. When we describe our feelings, it would be from our perception. We all have many different perceptions based on our mind views. What if our perception is not to truly share how we feel; even when we share, others wouldn’t truly know how we feel on this. When comparing here, there would be no like for like comparisons or accuracy.
● Bi Polar is high energy expressed through our behaviour at an extreme
● We have high energy when we have extreme feelings of highs and lows, it is our energy creating the intense feelings.
● We need to learn to manage our energy, especially if it is high, to direct it in a way that serves us, not going against us.
● Only we ourselves know how we are truly feeling, we can never know how others are feeling unless they are 100% open and honest about it. Even then, it would vary depending on their perception.